This kid boat flotilla that we were fortunate to be a part of was our first experiment with the dynamics of making cruising friends. Generally, the boys didn’t have any trouble and seemed to fit in with whatever combination of kids they were with, although Brenden had a few difficulties at the very beginning. To give some background: At home, we always thought of Brenden as the most social of the family. He had a lot of friends as well as a small group of really good buddies. He was at ease in groups and really liked being around people. Our first night with the other families at The Shack in La Paz all the kids had gone outside while the adults were finishing meals and drinks. Brenden came back in looking very sullen and told me, “the other kids won’t play with me.” In order to avoid dealing with this in real-time since we were with a group of people I didn’t really know and I didn’t immediately want to accuse their kids of being mean (which I was pretty sure they weren’t being) I just suggested to Brenden that he play with the little boy whose dad owned and operated The Shack. (Brief aside: Brenden played playdough with Cam all evening, and when I bought him his own Playdough a few days later he set some aside to take back to Cam. We never did make it back to the Shack, though, and Brenden was very disappointed.)
Later, before I talked to Brenden about it, I decided to ask Alex if the other kids were being mean to Brenden, and Alex validated my intuition that no one was being mean to Brenden. So, I asked Brenden about it and he also said no one was being mean, but no one was playing with him and it made him sad. Then I realized what was probably going on. Brenden was very popular at home, and when he was with a group of kids he was probably pretty used to people paying attention to him. And since he had been with the same kids at the same elementary school since forever, he had never really developed the social skills needed for his current situation. Interestingly, this is when Alex jumped in and told Brenden what he did. He said he just paid attention to what the other kids were doing. He saw one boy lightly shove one of the other boys and then the other boy chased him around a bit. So, he did the same thing and that’s how he joined in the impromptu chase each other around game. So, the less social, less outgoing one used his observation and cognitive skills to assess the situation and figure out how to fit in. Of course, it didn’t take Brenden long to fit in as well. And while Alex tended to gravitate to the older boys, Brenden did pretty well fitting in with the older boys as well as playing with the younger kids. Perhaps it’s all the legos in his cabin and his playful nature that gives him a stronger connection to the younger ones.
With such a large crowd of kids, there was constant concern over fostering inclusion. Our first experience with this was the day in La Paz at Costa Baja with the Star Passage crew. They have 2 kids: a boy, age 11 and a girl, age 8. The boys bonded rather quickly, especially once they discovered their shared love of the computer game, Minecraft. However, Sophia was a bit left out. They didn’t intentionally exclude her, but they didn’t intentionally include her either. That evening we had the first of what would become somewhat of a recurring conversation with the boys. Tim emphasized that since there aren’t that many kids out here cruising they need to make an effort to include everyone. All ages. Boys and girls. Brenden ended up somewhat embracing this role. He would sometimes pick up on a situation himself and notice someone might be feeling a little excluded, and even if he needed to be reminded he quickly jumped it to try to do his part. It’s a tricky thing, though, because we didn’t want to force the issue of inclusion so much that we stifled the development of special friendships. We needed to let it be OK for some of the kids to do things together sometimes without forcing them to include everyone and without feeling slighted for not being included. So, we have tried to teach the boys balance. A very constructive and positive thing that one of the other boats did was start up the “kid boat radio net” every morning. This provided a consistent and totally inclusive way to coordinate any activities for the day and it helped us not inadvertently exclude anyone when planning an activity that didn’t need to be with just the smaller group you felt closest to. Independent of the inclusion/exclusion issue it was also nice because it just made coordinating that much easier.
Any amount of effort would have made it hard to break the boy-girl division. Each of the other families had one boy and one girl, but we broke the pattern and tipped the score in favor of the boys, 6-4. At the group level they did a few things all together like Capture the Flag and building bonfires. One night all the kids went over to Northern Passage for movie night. This was no ordinary movie night. They raised a sheet on deck and used a projector to get that big-screen effect. Alex and Brenden loved it.
Our last night at Isla Coronados there was no end to the fun of feeding hot dogs to a Moray Eel. Seriously, the eel swam up close to shore, and I’m not sure which one of them thought of feeding it hot dogs first, but I’m pretty sure they all took a turn. I couldn’t watch! Not because I was worried the eel could hurt them but because I was grossed out that it was eating hot dogs! The group of six boys had so much fun together. They played football on the beach and the older boys taught the younger ones how to skim board and dinghy surf. It seems like most afternoons wound down with swimming at Exodus. The boys liked to jump off the bows and try to stand up on boogie boards holding on to the anchor chain. I didn’t have as much insight into how the girls spent their days, but I was invited to the girls’ spa day when we were at Puerto Los Gatos. They dressed up, had tea and baked goodies, and the moms gave manicures and pedicures. I didn’t have any little girl nails to paint, but it was fun just to hang out and eat the yummy snacks.
There was a whole lot of grown up fun too! We had several pot lucks both at the beach and here on Exodus. When we were at Puerto Los Gatos Don Pedro ordered a bunch of Lobsters from guys in one of the Pangas and they went out and caught them and brought them back we had a big Lobster feast on Exodus. We had to look up in a cookbook how to prepare them and how to make “drawn butter.” There were enough for two lobsters per family, and my joy was obvious when our boys had filled up on chicken and sausages and didn’t want any lobster. It was absolutely delicious. On Isla San Francisco we went for a “kid-free” hike up the crest to a peak and then down to the other side of the island. It was nice getting to know each other independent of our role as kid boat parents. We had drinks and socializing evenings on all the different boats. And I’ll insert an observation here that there seems to be an unspoken rule that you don’t use the bathroom on another person’s boat, the obvious reasons being limited water and tank capacity. We noticed this because when we first started giving tours on Exodus we would point out the bathrooms, “that they were welcome to use.” No one used them, no matter how long the evening went. And when we went to other boats, the offer of using the bathroom was never granted. I almost exploded on a couple occasions. I just can’t hold it that long! Anyway, I never really got to know anyone well enough to ask about the unspoken rule, but maybe I’ll get a little bolder as time goes on.
With all this socializing going on, I valued my down time that much more. I’m trying to run as much as I can, and I’ve developed a routine I call the “new triathlon.” Rather than swim, bike, run, it’s kayak, run, swim. I Kayak from Exodus to a nice running beach, run laps on the beach until I reach 3 miles or run out of water, whichever comes first, then throw on my snorkel gear and go for a swim. I still miss really long runs, especially with Jen, but I’m not really in shape for that anymore anyway. I’ve also been spending a lot of my free time trying to learn Spanish. When I realized I didn’t know as much Spanish as I thought I did early on in the trip I somewhat shut down and was reluctant to even try. Then one afternoon when we were in Agua Verde I ventured into town with a couple of the other moms to find the tienda. One of them had mentioned to me before that she spoke Spanish. Along the way we found the restaurant and arranged dinner for our group that evening, ordered tortillas for pick up the next day, and found not one but 4 tiendas in town. The thing was, I understood most of the conversations. I wouldn’t necessarily have been able to come up with the right words myself, but I was close. Also, her accent and pronunciation were marginal at best, and they still understood her and she was able to communicate, no problem. What I learned that day were 2 things: 1) my Spanish was better than I thought it was and 2) my Spanish doesn’t have to be perfect to adequately communicate. So, now I pour over the phrase book almost every day and I’m also using the book of verbs, pocket grammar guide, and Spanish-English dictionary I still have because Andrew took 4 years of Spanish in school.
We had such a great time with the kid boat flotilla, but that chapter in our cruising book is now closed. We are looking forward to meeting many other kid cruising boats, but I suspect five boats together for that long has got to be kind of rare. The companionship for the boys was invaluable. I said once that I really wish we had ordered our new anchor the first time we were in La Paz so we wouldn’t have been stuck there so long, but Alex countered that he was glad. He said, “Then we might have left before meeting the kid boats”. I conceded that it was indeed worth it. I really hope we have the opportunity to meet up with some or all of them again, especially since some have plans to cross the Pacific about the time when we plan to. Of course, we only fessed up about the radio lurking (stalking?) to one of the other boats, so it’s possible we will be avoided in the future if anyone actually reads this.
Gresham Family Exodus 