As It Should Be

Originally posted on September 25, 2014, by cruisingrunner

My smallest, my youngest, my baby turns 12 years old today. As I search my emotional state of being this morning, I am pleased to observe that I’m not feeling sad, not yearning for that sweet small person who loved Dora the Explorer and used to ask me, “Mommy, why you o-ways caw dem smooches?” when I tucked him in at night. He’s growing up, just as they all do, just as they all should. When my oldest, who is now 22, was growing up, my mommy friends with younger children would ask, “isn’t it so strange to have a son who is taller than you?” Or who has a girlfriend, or who doesn’t need your help with schoolwork, or whatever. When you have small kids it’s hard to imagine them more grown up than they are. My response was always, “no it’s not strange, it’s as it should be…” or some other equivalent phrase not nearly so succinct. Whatever stage Andrew was at, was the stage it seemed he was supposed to be at. It always seemed normal, and I rarely, if ever, mourned for the phases he left behind.

However, when Andrew was growing up, I had two other small ones to keep me busy, so I used to wonder if I would have a harder time when it was their turn to grow up.

That turns out not to be the case. They, like their older brother, each seem to be exactly where they are supposed to be. I suppose being out here cruising with so much time to share together helps a bit, and I’m able to cherish the people they have become and the people they are becoming. I speak from experience that it’s easy to make the false assumption that since your pre-teen/young teen is so independent that they don’t need us parents anymore. On the contrary, they need us as much, if not more, and it’s a trickier proposition. They need us to guide them without directing. In so many ways it’s easier to be an effective parent of a two-year-old than a 12- or 13-year-old.

So, I celebrate that my baby is 12 today. That he can spear fish and free dive down to 40 feet, and that when he sees me dive to about 25 feet he gives me such a proud look and tells me, “good job, mom!” That he can drive the dinghy and go to town with his friends on their own in to get ice cream. That he can drive Exodus when we are raising and dropping the anchor. He’s not quite taller than me (even though his 13 year old brother already is) but that will come when it’s time.

Fortunately, I was able to get in a good run today, even with the birthday and all. This is because 1) He didn’t want a party because “all the kid boats left here are girls!” 2) All he wanted to do was go spearfishing, so while the “men” were all out doing that I had some time on my hands, and 3) He wanted snickerdoodles as his birthday treat and he wanted to make them himself because it’s so much fun. So, that left me with very little manual labor in prep for a birthday celebration, so out for a run I went. I finally figured out the complete loop around Kapa Island from the anchorage of Port Maurelle. It’s about a 6-7 Km loop, I think, and it seems to me to be a slight uphill most of the way and then a very steep downhill at the end. So, it’s a bit of slow run. Maybe next time I’ll run it in the opposite direction.

-D.